Something wonderful is happening.
I am being serious.
For the past year or so I've been developing this sense of love and compassion for humanity. That sounds like a really broad, general statement but it's true. I'm becoming more perceptive of others and more forgiving. I believe we're all doing the best with the hand we're given. I use these words because I don't know how else to describe this very subtle feeling. It's a swelling in the heart and a sense of well-being and contentment. Some days it borders on joy. Sure, I still get irritated with nuisances like drivers when they tailgate me or cut me off in traffic but overall, I am developing something here. Maybe my soul is expanding. I'm beginning to feel as though I'm finally a part of the human race. In the past, I've felt so aloof and misanthropic so this is strange for me. I can't exactly pinpoint when it began. I wonder if it's just part of the maturation process but I hope not because that is far too banal. My heart wants to think that this feeling is a result of opening myself to new experiences and really challenging myself in my physical endeavors. This is difficult to put in to words.
It's a buried sort of feeling but I can tell it's there, especially on a day like today when it's hellish at work. It's a miracle that this feeling is even there at all considering how miserable my work-life is sometimes. My life is so wonderful and fulfilling in most other aspects such as having a wonderful wife and dogs to come home to that love me. I wish I were closer with my immediate family though. I know that I want this feeling of love to grow. I want to nurture it. I also want to share it the best way I know with other people that are interested. I I love my wife and dogs and they love me in return and that to me is so satisfying and important. There's so much to be fulfilled with in my life yet something is still missing. Maybe this is that piece.
I know this feeling is there when I feel exhilarated after having a good race or just riding along in the woods at trails I see all the time and I notice shafts of sunlight coming down through the trees as though it's all a cathedral. I feel when it when I see someone struggling on the trail and I offer an encouraging word or nod. Little things can mean so much.
The great film director Sam Peckinpah had a line in one of his movies, "All I want is to enter my house justified." This pretty much sums it all up for me. Nothing gives me that sense like completing a long bike ride or trail run. It is the ultimate in accomplishment and satisfaction. The fact that we make it "out the other side" through our personal hells and back to our place of comfort. (Speaking of films, they are truly one of the great loves of my life. I want to thank someday my teenage friends for stoking my cinematic fire early on with great films such as Taxi Driver and Reservoir Dogs, to name a few. Films are more than just pictures on a screen, they're peoples' stories and dreams up there. Even more so with certain filmmakers, (Truffaut, Spielberg,Kubrick,Tarantino,Lean,Scorsese,Coppola) I could go on and on. Sure there are plenty of bad ones out there but it's so worthwhile to seek out and find hidden gems. My life is so much richer for having an active pursuit in films and not just what's playing at the multiplex, but foreign films and lesser-known independents as well. 3rd graders have no problems following a subtitled film, as proved by critic Roger Ebert. Anyone that has a problem with subtitles is just lazy. Too distracting? Watch a film twice! I encourage anyone reading this to have an pursuit in films and also to be an active viewer. It's such an enriching experience to actively participate and think about films and discover such things as a director's motifs, a particular actors tics, or to see the same location used in multiple movies. It's all part of film geekdom! When you get really serious about it, then begin to write film essays on such esteemed auteurs like Hitchock as yours truly did! Films are also a wonderful medium to understand and witness compassion, forgiveness, even transcendence.)
When Dean Karnazes finished his first 100-mile trail race, he said he was forever changed. How could one not be after suffering mental and physical anguish for days on end? The gall and audacity of one man to even set out on something like that is captivating. Afterwards, he said that he was more forgiving of people and patient. I so crave to have that kind of transformation but I wonder what I'll have to go through to get there. Or maybe I'm going through it now. If I need to run my own 100-mile race to achieve a sort of enlightenment, then I will.
My intent is not to overstate my physical endeavors with mountain biking and trail running, because I've really only just started training and racing, but it's almost like, if I can accomplish those trials and tasks that I set out to and suffer a great amount of physical pain and mental anguish in the process, then the day-to-day rigors and stresses of dealing with work, traffic,bills,etc. really don't matter or bother me that much. Perspective is an amazing thing! Granted, it would be great to be rid of those pesky things entirely and of course it'd be great to make more money. Mind you, it's not all pain and suffering. Sometimes we just need to go outdoors to breathe some fresh air and get some sun on our face. Did I mention that it can also be a lot of FUN?. One quote comes to mind however, "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable." We're too comfortable in our daily lives. Elevators, cars, the last place that I worked at had a tram to carry people from and to the office building. The parking lot was about 50 yards away at most. But you may ask, "Jonathan, why would I want to purposefully be uncomfortable?" Growth! Change! Don't you feel complacent deep down inside, even just a little doing the same thing day after day? Plus, I can tell you that endorphins are the best drug you'll ever take and they will certainly flow after just 10 miles of hard effort, no matter what it is. Being physically fit has numerous rewards and looking great is only part of it too but that's not really the point. The mental health benefits are obvious and immediate. I can tell you that I'm a happier person these days with a brighter outlook in general. It's about doing something that you thought wasn't possible. We are capable of so much yet these stupid mental barriers. In a year's time, my wife went from seeing a 50k sticker (50 kilometer trail run or 32 miles) on the back of someone's vehicle to being able to place her own 50k sticker on her vehicle! That is remarkable! Need some laughter in your life? How about some camaraderie? Feeling a little isolated in your cube or even in your own neighborhood? Go for a trail run with a buddy and see how you feel after you're done. I guarantee huge grins and pats on the back. Better yet, do a race and have lively conversations with strangers. Why not? We're a competitive species. It brings out the best in us, trust me. Don't just watch other people compete. Be the sport!
Another part of my journey is the fact that I seem to inspire people to get fit and lose weight. In my 20s, I went from 180 to 250 over the course of 10 years for the usual reasons, eating and drinking whatever I wanted and zero physical activity. It's remarkable since I was so active in high school playing tennis and basketball. When I turned 33, I had an epiphany that I didn't want to die young and in a sense, I answered a call. I answered a primal beckoning of sorts. That voice deep down that makes us want to run and play out in the woods and bare our teeth. It's a part of our deep,ancestral past and unfortunately I think we've lost this desire amidst our modern society of cars, cubes, and convenience. I know I've inspired one guy at work because he absolutely can't believe my photo of when I weighed 250. I think I'm his physical fitness hero. We have no idea the effect that we can have on other people. It's a beautiful thing to be inspired like I am by so many people around me and it's also nice to occasionally inspire others. This from someone who used to lie in bed at night alone crying his eyes out in despair. Now that was some real depression. It's a shame that I had to go around the moon to get back to fitness and feeling alive again and not half-dead sitting in front of a video game. In fact, I could get really depressed thinking about all the time I wasted in my 20s but then again, it's part of the path.
This is not to say that I still don't have bad days and get in some really awful moods, just ask my wife. Those days are becoming fewer though.
I am fascinated by the concept of the vision quest and pushing yourself to the extreme to find out what you're really made of. I think we have lost our rites of passage in today's society and celebrate the banal far too easily. I am fascinated by the pursuit of human greatness, both physical and spiritual. I am forever indebted to those who have already gone before me in to the great black unknown of physical endeavors and have emerged victorious. I wonder what kind of quests lie ahead of me and will I be able to pass them.
It also helps to have a big support group. I have that in my wife who is my biggest supporter and fan. It means so much to have her in my corner. She is also pursuant to the same goals and we share a lot of the same opinions on this subject. My dogs Cabbie and Juju are amazing also and I am so thankful everyday that my wife and the girls are in my life. I can't even put in to words how important they are to me. My parents also support me although I have a feeling they don't understand why or what it is that I really do. It's ok though Mom and Dad, really.
I am being serious.
For the past year or so I've been developing this sense of love and compassion for humanity. That sounds like a really broad, general statement but it's true. I'm becoming more perceptive of others and more forgiving. I believe we're all doing the best with the hand we're given. I use these words because I don't know how else to describe this very subtle feeling. It's a swelling in the heart and a sense of well-being and contentment. Some days it borders on joy. Sure, I still get irritated with nuisances like drivers when they tailgate me or cut me off in traffic but overall, I am developing something here. Maybe my soul is expanding. I'm beginning to feel as though I'm finally a part of the human race. In the past, I've felt so aloof and misanthropic so this is strange for me. I can't exactly pinpoint when it began. I wonder if it's just part of the maturation process but I hope not because that is far too banal. My heart wants to think that this feeling is a result of opening myself to new experiences and really challenging myself in my physical endeavors. This is difficult to put in to words.
It's a buried sort of feeling but I can tell it's there, especially on a day like today when it's hellish at work. It's a miracle that this feeling is even there at all considering how miserable my work-life is sometimes. My life is so wonderful and fulfilling in most other aspects such as having a wonderful wife and dogs to come home to that love me. I wish I were closer with my immediate family though. I know that I want this feeling of love to grow. I want to nurture it. I also want to share it the best way I know with other people that are interested. I I love my wife and dogs and they love me in return and that to me is so satisfying and important. There's so much to be fulfilled with in my life yet something is still missing. Maybe this is that piece.
I know this feeling is there when I feel exhilarated after having a good race or just riding along in the woods at trails I see all the time and I notice shafts of sunlight coming down through the trees as though it's all a cathedral. I feel when it when I see someone struggling on the trail and I offer an encouraging word or nod. Little things can mean so much.
The great film director Sam Peckinpah had a line in one of his movies, "All I want is to enter my house justified." This pretty much sums it all up for me. Nothing gives me that sense like completing a long bike ride or trail run. It is the ultimate in accomplishment and satisfaction. The fact that we make it "out the other side" through our personal hells and back to our place of comfort. (Speaking of films, they are truly one of the great loves of my life. I want to thank someday my teenage friends for stoking my cinematic fire early on with great films such as Taxi Driver and Reservoir Dogs, to name a few. Films are more than just pictures on a screen, they're peoples' stories and dreams up there. Even more so with certain filmmakers, (Truffaut, Spielberg,Kubrick,Tarantino,Lean,Scorsese,Coppola) I could go on and on. Sure there are plenty of bad ones out there but it's so worthwhile to seek out and find hidden gems. My life is so much richer for having an active pursuit in films and not just what's playing at the multiplex, but foreign films and lesser-known independents as well. 3rd graders have no problems following a subtitled film, as proved by critic Roger Ebert. Anyone that has a problem with subtitles is just lazy. Too distracting? Watch a film twice! I encourage anyone reading this to have an pursuit in films and also to be an active viewer. It's such an enriching experience to actively participate and think about films and discover such things as a director's motifs, a particular actors tics, or to see the same location used in multiple movies. It's all part of film geekdom! When you get really serious about it, then begin to write film essays on such esteemed auteurs like Hitchock as yours truly did! Films are also a wonderful medium to understand and witness compassion, forgiveness, even transcendence.)
When Dean Karnazes finished his first 100-mile trail race, he said he was forever changed. How could one not be after suffering mental and physical anguish for days on end? The gall and audacity of one man to even set out on something like that is captivating. Afterwards, he said that he was more forgiving of people and patient. I so crave to have that kind of transformation but I wonder what I'll have to go through to get there. Or maybe I'm going through it now. If I need to run my own 100-mile race to achieve a sort of enlightenment, then I will.
My intent is not to overstate my physical endeavors with mountain biking and trail running, because I've really only just started training and racing, but it's almost like, if I can accomplish those trials and tasks that I set out to and suffer a great amount of physical pain and mental anguish in the process, then the day-to-day rigors and stresses of dealing with work, traffic,bills,etc. really don't matter or bother me that much. Perspective is an amazing thing! Granted, it would be great to be rid of those pesky things entirely and of course it'd be great to make more money. Mind you, it's not all pain and suffering. Sometimes we just need to go outdoors to breathe some fresh air and get some sun on our face. Did I mention that it can also be a lot of FUN?. One quote comes to mind however, "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable." We're too comfortable in our daily lives. Elevators, cars, the last place that I worked at had a tram to carry people from and to the office building. The parking lot was about 50 yards away at most. But you may ask, "Jonathan, why would I want to purposefully be uncomfortable?" Growth! Change! Don't you feel complacent deep down inside, even just a little doing the same thing day after day? Plus, I can tell you that endorphins are the best drug you'll ever take and they will certainly flow after just 10 miles of hard effort, no matter what it is. Being physically fit has numerous rewards and looking great is only part of it too but that's not really the point. The mental health benefits are obvious and immediate. I can tell you that I'm a happier person these days with a brighter outlook in general. It's about doing something that you thought wasn't possible. We are capable of so much yet these stupid mental barriers. In a year's time, my wife went from seeing a 50k sticker (50 kilometer trail run or 32 miles) on the back of someone's vehicle to being able to place her own 50k sticker on her vehicle! That is remarkable! Need some laughter in your life? How about some camaraderie? Feeling a little isolated in your cube or even in your own neighborhood? Go for a trail run with a buddy and see how you feel after you're done. I guarantee huge grins and pats on the back. Better yet, do a race and have lively conversations with strangers. Why not? We're a competitive species. It brings out the best in us, trust me. Don't just watch other people compete. Be the sport!
Another part of my journey is the fact that I seem to inspire people to get fit and lose weight. In my 20s, I went from 180 to 250 over the course of 10 years for the usual reasons, eating and drinking whatever I wanted and zero physical activity. It's remarkable since I was so active in high school playing tennis and basketball. When I turned 33, I had an epiphany that I didn't want to die young and in a sense, I answered a call. I answered a primal beckoning of sorts. That voice deep down that makes us want to run and play out in the woods and bare our teeth. It's a part of our deep,ancestral past and unfortunately I think we've lost this desire amidst our modern society of cars, cubes, and convenience. I know I've inspired one guy at work because he absolutely can't believe my photo of when I weighed 250. I think I'm his physical fitness hero. We have no idea the effect that we can have on other people. It's a beautiful thing to be inspired like I am by so many people around me and it's also nice to occasionally inspire others. This from someone who used to lie in bed at night alone crying his eyes out in despair. Now that was some real depression. It's a shame that I had to go around the moon to get back to fitness and feeling alive again and not half-dead sitting in front of a video game. In fact, I could get really depressed thinking about all the time I wasted in my 20s but then again, it's part of the path.
This is not to say that I still don't have bad days and get in some really awful moods, just ask my wife. Those days are becoming fewer though.
I am fascinated by the concept of the vision quest and pushing yourself to the extreme to find out what you're really made of. I think we have lost our rites of passage in today's society and celebrate the banal far too easily. I am fascinated by the pursuit of human greatness, both physical and spiritual. I am forever indebted to those who have already gone before me in to the great black unknown of physical endeavors and have emerged victorious. I wonder what kind of quests lie ahead of me and will I be able to pass them.
It also helps to have a big support group. I have that in my wife who is my biggest supporter and fan. It means so much to have her in my corner. She is also pursuant to the same goals and we share a lot of the same opinions on this subject. My dogs Cabbie and Juju are amazing also and I am so thankful everyday that my wife and the girls are in my life. I can't even put in to words how important they are to me. My parents also support me although I have a feeling they don't understand why or what it is that I really do. It's ok though Mom and Dad, really.